Mildura Weekly : Friday October 28 Vol 10 No 51
MILDURA WEEKLY FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2016 02 CHAFF 424 San Mateo Avenue, MILDURA Ph: 5021 1777 | F: 5021 1733 www.milduraweekly.com.au OFFICE HOURS: Monday - Thursday 8:30am - 5:00pm Friday 8:30am - 4:00pm NEWS firstname.lastname@example.org SPORT email@example.com LETTERS firstname.lastname@example.org MANAGING email@example.com DIRECTOR SALES firstname.lastname@example.org CLASSIFIEDS email@example.com REGULAR FEATURES INSIDE TODAY A corporate enterprise of the Mildura Weekly Ph: 5021 1782 www.milduraphonebook.com.au 26,200 COPIES DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY For more info visit www.auditbureau.org.au NEWS Police warn of Cup road blitz – Page8 PEOPLE Jailed journo shares his story of survival – Page 12 MAKING HISTORY- Burns & Co’s historic Holden auction success – Page 16 NEWS................................................................ 3 - 19 DESTINATIONS FEATURE ....................... 20 - 21 FIRE ACTION WEEK .................................. 22 - 24 ENTERTAINMENT....................................... 25 - 27 TRADES & SERVICES................................. 28 - 29 CLASSIFIEDS ............................................... 30 - 34 SPORT ............................................................ 34 - 40 REAL ESTATE & MOTORING.................LIFTOUT a look at the lighter side of life and our amazing World.... a look at the lighter side of life and our amazing World.... a look at the lighter side of life and our amazing World.... MILDURA police are warning residents to ensure the rear of their home is protected, fol- lowing one burglary and an at- tempted burglary last weekend. Police say that on both oc- casions, offenders had gone to the rear of the home and re- moved a fly-wire screen before entering through a window. Mildura police Acting In- spector Paul Matheson said thieves often target the rear of homes when trying to break in, due to there being less chance of being seen. “Try to secure windows, es- pecially at the rear and sides of your home,” he said. “We also encourage residents to con- sider installing window locks to better secure the windows, or even using dowel for sliding windows or some other meth- od to make it more difficult for thieves to open windows from the outside. “A good idea is to walk around your home and ask yourself if you could easily break in if you had lost your key. If you can easily get in, then so can a thief. “Just by making it that lit- tle bit more difficult for these criminals can often be enough to deter them.” Police are also investigat- ing the theft of a 2016 Holden station wagon from a Fifteenth Street address last Saturday morning. According to police, of- fenders located a spare key which had been left in the car, with a handbag containing a purse and credit card, as well as a pair of Oakley sunglasses, stolen. The Holden was located later that day, while a 1990 Holden Commodore was also stolen from an address in Lem- on Avenue between Sunday evening and Monday morning. The white Holden Com- modore is yet to be found. A wallet was also stolen from an unlocked vehicle in Cureton Avenue on Saturday night, prompting police to again remind motorists not to leave valuables in their ve- hicles. In other police news, a 46-year-old Mildura man has been charged after damaging 16 windows at an address in Deakin Avenue last Sunday. It is alleged the man used a metal pole to smash the win- dows at a business address, with the 46-year-old expected to appear at the Mildura Mag- istrates’ Court. A 22-year-old Merbein man has also been charged with as- sault after an incident early Monday morning in Commer- cial Street, Merbein. An altercation took place between two males before the 22-year-old allegedly left in a vehicle. He was later arrested by Mildura police, and has been bailed to appear at the Mildura Magistrates’ Court. Watch your back! Thieves target the rear of properties Aregular Chaff reader sent this one through, and we quite liked it! As they put it, we all know a bloke named David, or someone who seems to know just about everyone else! Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I’ll know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “Okay Dave, how about Tom Cruise?” “No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? “Great to see you! “Come in for a beer!” Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he says that he thinks Dave’s knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says. “President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts. “Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington.” And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over saying, “Dave, what a sur- prise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend, come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.” Dave’s boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. “The Pope,” his boss replies. “Sure!” says Dave. “My folks are from Germany, and I’ve known the Pope a long time.” So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go up- stairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks “What happened?” His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, “Who is that on the balcony with Dave?” AMERICAN Football and the blonde...Of all the blonde jokes to come across the Chaff desk, this one has to be the best, mainly because it makes American football make sense! A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t under- stand why they were just about killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was. ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ “I’m like....Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!” I’LL call back later ...A man was the first to arrive at work one morning. The phone rang and he answered. When the caller asked for some specific informa- tion, the man explained that it was before normal business hours but that he would help if he could. “What’s your job there?” the caller asked. The man replied, “I’m the company president.” There was a pause. Then the caller said, “I’ll call back later. I need to talk to someone who knows something about what’s going on.” MG424 PHONE 1300 135 602 Display Open Monday to Friday 10am to 4pm • 333 Eighth Street, Mildura PHONE (03) 5021 1077 www.milduragardens.com.au New Designs. New Stage. Luxury 2 Bedroom Retirement Villas from $214,250 • Secure Retirement Living • Award Winning Facilities • Architect Designs • Reverse Cycle Air-conditioning • Abundant New Fruit Tr ees • Friendly Environment • Resident’s Co-op Veggie Garden • Aqua Aerobics, Art and Craft Classes • On-site Manager • Close to Community Centre & Amenities A great home for a happy retirement.
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